My mom was holding my hand and dad was
sitting somewhere near but not that close. I could hear him sob. He was
probably trying to hide his tears. On the contrary, mom wasn’t able to control
her emotions. She was crying whole heartedly. My eyes were still open but I had
lost the power of vision. I couldn’t understand as to how I could listen to all
that was going around. I am supposed to lose all my senses right? Am I not?
Nina was holding my left hand. She was the
love of my life. I loved her since I saw her; when I was seventeen and she,
fifteen.
Someone came in rushing. He sat beside me and
his hands were now over my chest. He was crying hard and pushing me as if it
would wake me up. “He is gone Drake; He is gone.” Nina said with utmost pain in
her voice. Her voice sounded like she had been crying for days, without a
break. “Get up bro. You cannot leave us so soon. This is not fair; take me
along.” Drake said with frequent breaks as he couldn’t complete his sentence at
once due to his heavy throat filled in with constant crying. Everyone was in
this state, because of me. God! Why did this happen to me? I wanted to get up,
but I couldn’t even move my fingers. I felt like somebody had given me a high
dose of anesthesia.
Somebody else filled in Drake’s place. The
person closed my eyelids, “May your soul rest in peace, son. All of you please
raise your hands and pray to Almighty for his best life.” He was definitely a
priest. “Where is his widow?’ he questioned. “She hasn’t even shed a
single tear. I don’t understand how one can be so stone-hearted. Don’t you feel
anything?” mom burst out. “Please control yourself. Are you not his wife my
child?” the priest asked. “No father.” Nina said. “His wife is standing near
the door.” She might have pointed towards Janet. I couldn’t see, but I knew she
was the happiest person.
I always wanted to marry Nina but dad
arranged my wedding with Janet. I couldn’t deny his words. He had promised
Janet’s mother. Her father died in a plane crash who was dad’s most trusted
friend. I knew Janet only after her dad’s death as they were living with our
family. I clearly stated her at our first night about my undying love for Nina.
My relation with her was only for the world. Mom was never good to her as she
knew about Nina and me. “See him for one last time, my child. Cry if you want
to. Let it out. He is not coming back.” Priest told Janet. I still couldn’t
hear her voice. Anyway, she didn’t have much to say. My property was hers;
that’s all she cared about.
I was taken to the bath and my body was
cleaned from every bit. I was to be sent completely pure to the God. Dad, Drake
and other friends of mine dressed me up. I was made to wear my wedding suit.
Nina had purchased it for me. She was broken due to my marriage; but she acted
strong and insisted me on wearing the suit gifted by her. I was put into the
coffin. The lid was closed. I had the last journey of my life. All threw
handful of mud over the box. I was covered inside the earth. Everyone left. I
was all alone now. Sleeping.
I could still hear the nature. The trees, the
birds and those footsteps. They were coming closer and closer. The person
started crying. There was so much pain and intensity in the cry. Janet? Was it
Janet? But why was she here? Everyone left after submerging me and she came
back. Why?
“James… I…” she cried again. “Why did this
happen to you? God! James, please get up. I don’t want anything but you. I
wish, I told you this. James...” she sobbed. I never knew, Janet loved me that
way. She did all her duties as a wife, but she never made me feel this. She
didn’t even cry in front of anyone. She wanted my property and has got it now.
Then what was the need to come back crying? She prayed again and left.
She visited me daily, kept a flower over the
grave, told about what was happening in my house, prayed and left. She
continued doing this. Every time she came, she told how much she loved me and
that she regretted for not telling it when she had time. Her cries decreased
day by day, but she didn’t stop coming. Two months passed and she still visits
me. One day, she told me that Nina got engaged to someone. I surely wanted Nina
to be happy, but the fact that it took her only some months to forget me,
killed me again. Dad came sometimes, but didn’t talk much like always.
I never respected Janet and always considered
her as a burden. But she… she was always there for me. I realize it now, but
there is nothing I can do about it. If only I could get up once, just to tell
her that I now know. I now know about her unconditional love for me. If only I
could get up and make her feel the same way. Nina was my first love and I was
Janet’s true love. I could sense that now, when it’s really too late.
#LoveIsNothingButAWordFullOfFeelings
Never wait for that perfect moment to tell
about your feelings. Every moment will turn out to be the best, if you say it
out loud. Try to respect everyone’s feelings, no matter what. You never know
what’s in somebody’s heart, until you look at everyone with the same sight.
Like they say ‘Kal Ho Na Ho’
P.S: ‘Ojalá te dije’ is
the Spanish term for ‘I wish I told you’.
#StyZie
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