It was more of a personality trait than habit; admiring people with
looks. Men, women, children; didn’t matter.
One day, while I was taking the same old route to my college, I came across
this really handsome guy. He was, to be precise, hot! I didn’t know that guy
lived there. He used to cross my sight every alternate day and I smiled. I
liked praising him from afar instead of making a move. I would look out for him
all the time. Something was arising within me. I didn’t want to term it as
anything.
Another similar day, I saw him again. This time, with a blue jacket
on and something clicked my mind. It felt like ‘Déjà vu’ I had seen that
somewhere. I started recalling and boom! It was him!
**Some days back**
“Tell me his name. Why hide it from me?” I argued with Shaina. “Mmm…
It’s Tahir.” She said after feeling pity over my struggle. “You took so much of
time just to blab one simple name.” I said poking her shoulder. “It’s over
between us now.” She said, suddenly sadness taking over. “Come on, don’t be
sad. It’ll be alright.” I said trying to console her. Our conversation
continued with how they met and lost hearts to each other. I kept on with my
‘hmmm’s’ and ‘mm hmm’s’ and ‘ahaa’s’ while she beautifully put all the words
together describing her journey with him. He was her first love and according
to her, last as well.
Listening to a broken heart story had become a habit now. Every other
day, some or the other friend had something different to say about love and the
pain it carried along. I never got bored; maybe because I had never actually
felt this way.
Shaina didn’t show me his picture and I was a curious lad. I delved
onto my favorite search host ‘Facebook’. I wanted to know if he was dating
anyone. Shaina really did love him and I had hopes they might get back
together.
It wasn’t easy searching the guy. There were so many results of the
same name. I didn’t even know his surname. All I knew was that he was her far
off relative. At last I came across a profile which matched most of the least
detail that she had acquainted me with. “Tahir Hussain.” He was from the same
place as her, didn’t feed in any educational details. Well; I didn’t know any
either. She had told me that he wasn’t much of a social person. His profile
picture was ‘average’. The relationship status was hidden. I thought talking to
Shaina about it before giving it a go. Every time I tried bringing the topic
up, she would say it’s over and I would keep mum. That topic ended there.
**Present**
How could this possibly be? I had to be sure, if it was him. I
clicked onto his profile and there it was. He was the same guy. I felt
dejected. How could I fall for someone who was loved by my friend? It wasn’t
happening. My mind felt clustered and shattered. I promised myself to never
look at that pretty, delicious face again. Oh! Stop hovering over him. I had to
repeat this sentence, whenever he blocked the view.
Even though I wasn’t going to take a step and talk to him, but the
thought and the feeling I felt was strangling me in guilt. It was his mistake
entirely; I would state this whenever I thought about all of it. Couldn’t he
wear that jacket before? Was it that difficult? Ugh!
Months elapsed and I had almost forgotten about it. I hardly thought
about it. He was out of the range of my mind; to some extent. I’d got a message
from Shaina that day when he crossed my mind again after long. I wanted to
apologize to her. I had deceived her in some manner. I knew it would make
things complicated, but the guilt had to be taken out. I started the topic,
“So… he didn’t call eh?” “No, we’re going away. I don’t think he’s coming back.”
She said unlocking her phone and continued, “You haven’t seen him right?” I
closed my eyes and sighed. I had seen him, adored him, and had feelings for
him. Oh god! It was all so wrong. “Look, how happy we were back then.” She said
with a depressing tone. I looked at the picture and… I was struck… struck by
lightning. My mouth was open for some seconds, “This… is Tahir?” She looked at
me, “Yes.” I wanted to jump and do the happy dance. He wasn’t THE GUY I had
seen! He wasn’t the guy from the profile. He wasn’t him!!
The moment was ecstatic. Guilt? I didn’t know what that was! I hadn’t
fallen for my friend’s first love; No, I hadn’t.
I passed by his house the next day. He didn’t show up. Well, he
eventually did, a few days later. He was standing in front of his door, talking
to someone. I smiled and then laughed over the mess I had created inside my
head.
He did look a lot attractive now. But, it’s still better looking from
afar than getting close. I do not want to spoil the charm and the unknown
wonderful feeling. I solely want to cherish the good moments. Let he just be
the crush, with the same name as my friend’s first love.
P.S: This was written an hour after he passed the street.
#StyZie
