Imagination #14 ~A new ray of hope~

Bright strokes of the morning hit his face. It gleamed in freshness. He was still asleep but his eyeballs sort of moved. He would wake up if the beams continue for more, I thought. I kneeled over, not completely touching though and bought back the calmness again. His face was still radiating.

His lips pleaded me to touch them. I moved closer and then refrained. I looked up and smiled. It was much softer than a smile; I blushed actually. I turned to him again and was determined to kiss this time. My heart started beating faster with a steady pace as I moved closer in slow motion. I shifted my hand and surrounded him so as to get a support. Our lips were only inches apart. I moved closer, minimizing the distance by half.

He opened his eyes and I crossed all over him to reach my phone which was at the other side of the bed. I grabbed it and went back to my position. “I sense some planning. “ He said with a voice intoxicating the air. I held my breath before replying. “What planning?” I said, acting dumb even though I knew what he meant. “Task incomplete ha?” He said turning to my side. I blushed and buried my face inside the blanket. He didn’t lift the cover, instead he came in. “Were you not? “He asked again; his voice deeper this time. I turned to him and kissed his cheek. He smiled from the corner of his lips and kissed my forehead.

“It’s already nine. You need to get going.” The mistress said knocking the door hard. I took off the blanket and replied, “Yeah, Okay. “ He was still looking at me. Deeply in thought, figuring out something, he held my face in his hands, “I don’t want to. I want to be this way, forever, with you.” I always remember the first time we met, whenever he says things like these. He was completely heartbroken and drunk when he slammed into this place. His girlfriend ditched him for another guy and he wanted to do the same. He chose me in spite of the other girls being exceedingly appealing and tempting. Every time I ask him the reason, he says his heart didn’t allow him to look at anyone else except me, that night. Even though it sounds filmy, I feel like believing it.

For the first time in my life, since I was seventeen, I spent the night with a man without having sex. We talked the entire night. He told his story over and over again and I confronted him. We drank and smoked along. Despite being this high, it was all under control. I still cannot sum up what happened that night. What was it that connected us so well? I bonded with him like with no one else before.

After that night, he came back regularly. I tell him all that happened throughout the day and he does the same. I know his deepest secrets and he has ripped me apart without touching me. We started off as strangers, preceded as friends and ended up loving each other unboundedly.

He got up and started packing his stuff. He brings his book everyday and teaches me new things. You see, they don’t educate you, when all they want from you, is your body. I was completely lost until I met him. He became the purpose of my life; the reason of my existence. Before him, I knew some fucked up words which I had to mug up so that I could seduce the customer. But now, I had a complete set of a dignified language inside my head.  

I sat upright on the bed. “Will you come back tonight?” I asked.

“No.” He said with a straight face. “No?” I repeated. “I’ll come in the evening and take you away.” He said and smiled. “Are you serious? What about the money?”

“I’ve arranged everything. You don’t need to worry. We’ll be at home tonight.” He said cheerfully. I smiled along with tears gushing out. “My poor baby, why do you need to cry all the time ha? That tank never dries out!” He said with a smirk. “I’m not crying.” I said wiping the dirt from my face. He came close and gave me a tight hug. “I love you.” He said holing me tighter. Tears filled in my eyes again and he gave me a disgusted look. I smiled and said, “What more does a sex worker need than a person who loves her unconditionally.” He hit my face lightly, “You are going to be my wife and that is what the world is going to denote you with.” He put his finger over my lips and kissed them. He again kissed my forehead and left. I watched as he closed the door and then gazed at the window. The sun seemed like glowing brighter and tonight the moon was going to be fuller than ever.

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Straight from the Diary #1

Hello folk. Today Ms.TG’s got some words from her desk for all the confused souls. So now… Let’s talk (even though I’m the only one doing that :P)

Recently I’ve been going through a lot of trauma. People have shown me faces which I wouldn’t dare to know about. Second year is up and I have this whole bunch of stories to talk about.

I turned into a guardian, a good friend, a person to lend shoulder in need, a leader, a lover, a cheater, and what not. I went through a lot of phases this year and life thought me how to handle all. I’m not any saint nor have I acquired any spiritual guidance. I just feel like talking good (minus kind words) today.

Throughout the course of your life, you will meet people- strange, weird, psychopaths, stubborn, sweet, and all other kinds. This process is gonna continue until the same people lower you, down the ground, for you to return where you belong. The thing you need to learn is the way you treat them and get treated by them- both lie in your hand.

No matter how hard you try or how well you play safe, they are gonna knock you down. After all that is the reason of their existence. They came into your life, so that god could complete his syllables on time.

Love: A feeling which each and every person living up to an average age of 16 (or even lesser) experiences wherein he completely losses all of his senses and makes mistakes which either haunt him or become the reason for his buddies to laugh along. There is no running. You have to have this feeling eat you up at least once.

You can’t really be sure if it’s actually love that you are feeling. There are other feelings called attraction, infatuation, lust, attachment, desire, compassion, etcetera which shows up disguised as the so-called Love.

The essence lies in enjoying this feeling and not letting it over rule you. You are allowed to deal with it only from afar. Once you get into the core, you would not know what it’s being out of it.  We have heard poets and artists speak about Love and most of them have referred to it as a beautiful pit wherein you fall and feel all good but sooner do you realize that you can never see the world in the same light as before.

I would like to quote one of the lines that I recently came across on Insta. It said:

“Be in Love and don’t fall into it; coz everything that falls, breaks.”

Keeping this in mind, let’s not fall into the beautiful pit but make the world you are living in, a beautiful place.

New start, old hope.

#StyZie

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The Formatted Memory..

Second hand of the clock ticked so slow that I started to count each second of it. I felt like whirling the minute hand so that the hour hand moves a step further terminating my longing to see him. But who is going to set the sun and raise it again to begin the new day?

I sat back on my seat watching the hands change its position. I remembered how Bella might have waited for her Edward for months sitting near the window pane. I do not compare my feelings to those of hers but my pain is a quarter of what she must have felt. When the night came, I couldn’t even sleep. My heart sank, but no tears came out of my dim eyes. I plugged in the earphones and played all the sad songs I had; they weren’t of any help.

The next morning, mirror exposed the dark circles below my thoughtful eyes. I got ready and hopped on the snail speed bus. I started to read our previous conversation again, for the time to pass quickly. I rotated my eyeballs to see him as I got down the bus. Standing outside could make people think in other way so I headed to my class. All the lectures went smoothly above my head, though I tried hard to concentrate on the words.

Resting on one of the benches outside, I stared at the bikes plate number. I saw him coming from a distance. My heart started pounding hardly. My eyes seemed melting, gaining his sight. I reached out to my cell phone from one of the pockets of my bag and waited for his text to be received. He kept his cell, back into his pocket. The moment I saw no text received, I restarted my phone thinking the network might have dropped. The sight of him moving away hurt me but still I smiled thinking at least I got a chance to see him after that long day.

Before I said goodnight to my books I operated my cell for the last time. I saw a notification on my status bar. It had the mark where once he used to text in. My eyes started to blur and felt like the heart was in my mouth, ready to pop out as I strolled down. To my dismay, it wasn’t him. I read the name again and again and then touched my fingers on it. A conversation appeared as the sensor felt my touch which had no previous text but just a ’hi’ … I went back and opened his conversation and found no new texts. I sat still for a moment or two and calmed myself thinking that he will never text me. Anyway, I replied back ’hi’ to Bhautik.

Bhautik: How are you?

I was in no mood to text him or anyone but still I replied.

Me$hal: I am fine… What about you?

Bhautik: same here.

I did not reply but the notification popped again. I said to myself that this time I’m not going to reply, but his text left me stunned.      

Bhautik: Did you write any new story?

My mind went blank and I went to my profile which was updated two months ago. I had nothing to say, other than an excuse.

Me$hal: Had a lot of assignments and so forgot about it. Sorry.

Bhautik: Hope you write soon. Will be waiting J

Me$hal: Thanks a lot J

Bhautik: You’re welcome.

He did not text any further but left me in a confused state. I kept thinking the whole night, how easily I have forgotten my passion running behind the one who never actually cared. Time wanted us to meet for some reason. And the reason seems to be fading. Nevertheless, Life has many more things to offer than just a person.

Dedicated to all of them who unknowingly bought out passion of people or made them remember their passion. Thank you :)

Write up: me$hal

Editing: StyZie

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The Suicide Note

The weirdest people die the most mysterious deaths. Illogical; but true. These people are always seen happy loitering around. They do not tend to seem affected by the world. They have a world of their own, wherein they have characters created with imagination which are the only beings who understand them; their own surroundings wherein they create stories of their own. A different third space where they talk to the people with whom they cannot have real or direct chat. They express their feelings in the scarcest way which for some people is unacceptable. They blab out shit all the time but are considered to be the first persons with the best advices. For some people, their lives are the ideal one. There isn’t any sadness in their lives except that they get sad when their favorite actor gets hurt.

They are completely different from what they appear. Their personality is a complete reciprocal to the one at display. Those adorable smiles and breathtaking selfies aren’t real. Even in solitary they do all these things; that is where they lie back. They LIE to their own self. They think they are happy which is reality isn’t the truth. They are just normal beings who try to live abnormally. They just don’t kno0w what to do. They are nowhere in this world and all over this universe.

And I… I am one such person.

After have said all this, I repeat my words again- the weirdest people die the most mysterious deaths. May be mine will be one to research on. Hundreds of years and the reason would remain unknown. Family, friends, everyone would make up their mind with one or the other thing. The fact wouldn’t match up with any of the machines. There isn’t any device yet established for that purpose you see.

I’ll tell you the reason. My heart would expand with that fake happiness and burst out at once without any trace of me left. Every cell would mix up with the pollens from the flowers. The blood would flow into the river and change its color at once. Only the trees would know. They are the true mates.

  

P.S: No editing has been done. It’s in its purest form; the first draft presented.

#StyZie

Editing: StyZie

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Juliet's Letter #2

Dear Ironman,

The love that was covering the veil is fading. I know this is unusual but the process of letting go seems easier.

I have decided to move on…

I can now carelessly roam around and spin in your presence. It is like; your shadow doesn’t make any difference. You no longer make me go crazy. My heart, beats normally now. Your smile seems less adorable and your hands appear like that of any other guy around.

I noticed you that day, intensely. Your behavior didn’t appeal me much. When you were far, you gleamed like a star. And now when I know so much about you, you are nothing but a mixture of all those century made bits of sand and dust.

Wanted to let you know that if you come around now, asking for me; it’s not going to work.

And yeah! You were looking really cute today… like always.

“Kehte hai Zinadgi se pyar karne wale,

Maut se darte hai…

Darte toh ham uss rooh ke bichadne se hai,

Jo saath nibhati chali gayi… “

No longer yours,

Juliet.

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Imagination #13 ~The Infinite Loop called KARMA~ Part I

A dark room. Gloomy clouds. Negative environment. Seems like the happiness from around the world is lost. Everyone’s sad; no source of smile. Hatred has filled the entire sky. We are lost in the middle of nowhere. Yesterday, I smiled as my child spoke for the first time. She called out ‘ma’. She could just bring her lips together and somehow managed to produce the sound. I cannot explain how it felt that very moment. It was as if I was granted heaven. Tears rolled down due to the inability to control the pleasure. Tears are still in there, gushing out with pressure. The only difference is in the depth of emotions. It is the complete reciprocal.

I do not know why this happened. What was that I missed in myself? Was I not good enough? The person who kissed me yesterday morning on my lips and shoulders and forehead is now standing at a distance without a pinch of feeling in his eyes. No! I can sense in some feelings. And it is nothing close to love.

My daughter is trying to get out of my arms and hug her dad. She does that every time she sees him coming. I sometimes feel jealous when she does that. It seems like I am important but he is more. He loved her more than his life. He sacrifices his sleep every night, only because she needs constant care; only because she needs to be fed in the middle of the night. I know this is weird, but our daughter is one of a kind.

Now, this very moment he is standing right in front of me, but is still miles apart. How does it feel to know that a person you loved was never really that person? How does it feel to know that the person you thought loved you, doesn’t care anymore? I’m exactly feeling the same thing.

Five years of marriage and he hasn’t got a single drop of emotion for me. Hate? Did I really deserve that? After having left my family only for his sake, how does he expect me to forget him? So many questions and no clue about the answer.

Karma… they say it right; it never goes off… Someday, somewhere, you are going to feel the same way you made somebody else feel. You are going to get hurt in the same manner. The cycle of life doesn’t stop looping unless you die. And sometimes haunts you even after death. This is one such truth which shattered my life into pieces tinier that the sand and edgier than the crystal.

When it hits you, you do not know your mistake. The fate always turns upside down in the most unexpected period. His brother loved me, but I never felt so. I couldn’t get in the emotions the way he got it for me. We were never meant to be and so our paths never crossed. I left the decision on destiny and today it slapped right on my face with great force unable to bear.

I loved my daughter’s father not because he was a good person or because he gave me all the happiness. I loved him, because I loved him and there is no reason. The way we met, the way feelings arose for him, the way he made me feel was all so perfect. And it was all planned… just to make me realize the same pain his brother sensed.

Even though he said all that and trashed my soul, I still looked into his eyes, in hope of finding some love. The same love that I saw yesterday, and that day and on the day of our wedding. But to my dismay, that was the worst try. I couldn’t even search for some pity in through his eyes. Not even when I shed a river of salted water.

I am going to die every day. Remembering him, his love, his care… I’m going to miss that jealousy when my daughter would want to hug her father. I’m going to miss his early morning kiss; and his late night hug; his calls, his messages, which showed his infinite love.

Throughout my life, I doubted every single happiness that came through. I was too scared to be in love. But when he came… He took all the pain and fear. He filled the spaces inside my heart. I cannot believe I trusted a man who broke every bit of me. I hate myself for not hating him even now.

I do not know if this is the end of our story. But for me, our relationship would always be the purest; the one, which came out straight through the soul.

Link to the second part:  http://styzie.blogspot.in/2015/07/imagination-13-infinite-loop-called.html

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Imagination #12 ^Bonjour étranger^

“You are going to do that once more! Aren’t you?” I shouted at Maira. She ditched again, making her counts elevate its slope. It was because her stingy, conservative, ruthless, cynical, grumpy, bossy and so-called boyfriend wanted to spend the night together. I so hate him and every time he gives me an additional reason to move a step further in that page. “I’m sorry Aashna. He wants me to be by his side. Please try to understand.” She pleaded like always. “Do whatever you want to!” I slammed the door at her.

I do not know why I trust her all the time with those plans. I have always been a short-tempered person and last minute cut outs, bring it out even sooner. Why do girls need boy friends and lovers? It simply acts as an extra effort, to deprive them of the little freedom that they enjoy. Restrictions, emotional blackmails, unwanted issues, etc, etc, etc… The synonym of such a relationship should have been termed as ‘suicide’.

My friends always choose the guys who suck in some or the other way. There are good guys out there and they always fall for the useless ones. And these guys treat them no less than slaves. Girls aren’t even back in this matter; treating them as toys. On a whole, I’ve had a problem from the very beginning and it’s still constant.

“I’m not dozing off this time. I’m gonna go out there and enjoy. Yes! I surely can do that on my own.” I started consoling myself. I wandered through the alley; noticed every other figure that crossed across. I definitely didn’t want the would-be wonderful evening to turn into a horror one. A cheap bar caught my sight. My mind forced me to pick up some beer but my heart restricted buying cigarettes only. I took the pack and made my way to the beach.

I loved the calmness of the shores; the silence which creeps and the rush of the tides to the bank. The moonlight illuminated the entire ocean. It glowed like stars fallen from the sky straight into the heart of the salted water. The view was truly delightful. I could spend the entire life just admiring the boundless beauty. For a moment I was thankful that I was alone. I could hear my heart beating steadily, making me feel like the only existent. I sat over the non-uniformly distributed dry sand and took off my sneakers. 

I opened the pack of cigarettes and took one out. And geez! I didn’t have a lighter. How dumb of me to take the entire pack without having anything to light it up. I took my face into my palms and cursed myself for ruining the night. “Need some light?” approached a voice from behind with a fired matchstick. I instantly turned back to find an unknown figure. I couldn’t see his face clearly but knew that he was handsome. The moonlight reflected perfectly over the highlighted features of his face. “Thank you.” I said with less grace. He sat beside me and asked, “Can I?” pointing at the pack.”Yeah” I said and passed a stick.

“Breakup?” he asked trying to figure out the reason for my loneliness. “My friend got a new boy friend.” “Oh, that’s sad.” He said and made a face. I giggled over that. “You?” I asked. “Shores; they call me out every night.”He sounded genuine. “Cool…” I said and the silence filled the place again.

I took out my phone and opened up my whatsapp account. Nobody was online and I wasn’t even feeling like texting, so thought of changing the profile picture. I set a picture written ‘Hakuna Matata’. And again set it aside. “Hakuna Matata – no worries.” He commented. I turned towards him and smiled, “Yeah.” “Timon and Pumba right? Oh I miss that show.” “Me too… their carefree nature, the awesomeness…” “You remember Pokémon, Popeye and uhhh Recess?” “Oh yeah… Recess was good. Never watched Pokémon.” I said with a stick-out tongue. He chuckled, “The best among all was Dexter’s laboratory; inspired me a lot.” “I liked Oswald.” “The octopus?” “Yeah.” “He was good. Ahh… those days… I miss them. I miss being that quiet guy who used to close him up in the corner and look strangely at everyone.” He said nostalgically looking at the sky. ”Even I miss that shy girl who was always scared of the spotlight; had so much to tell but never opened up. That innocence…” I said feeling evocative and content at the same time.

We gossiped like lost old friends. He told me about his stupid girl friends, who acted smart, his puppy who cheered him up whenever the same species cheated. I told him about my crushes and confessions, the silly thoughts that popped up when I imagine about them. Bits of cigarettes were all over the place. I glanced over my watch. “I should leave now. It is already 2.”I told him half-heartedly wearing back my sneakers. He didn’t say anything and just looked straight through me. “Good night.” I said. “mmmmm Yeah, see you. Good night.” “I got up and commenced walking. “Hey!” he called out. “I just thought it wouldn’t be safe for you to walk back alone.” My heart started pumping faster. “Not an issue. My place isn’t that far.” “Okay then. Take care.” He waved at me and turned to the other direction .I took baby steps as the desire to talk to him again aroused. I turned as I reached the curve. He was still standing there and waved at me. I waved back and walked towards my apartment.

My face was lit up even though I was feeling sleepy. I had never had such a comfortable chat in years. The beach, the cigarettes and the night added up to the situation making it cozier and unfiltered. He was witty, elite and charismatic. I cannot define his exceptionality. Maira opened the door for me. Her boyfriend was sitting on the couch watching something on the television. “Where have you been? You know I was so worried.” She said tensed. “I was at the beach.”I said, still smiling. “Alone? At the beach, all this time?” “I wasn’t alone.” “Who were you with?” “I was with…“ I trailed off. God! I didn’t know his name. We shared so much and I didn’t know whom I talked to. We had such a long conversation and didn’t share any sort of basic information. The thought that I was never going to meet him again, made me really sad. And then a clip struck my mind. “Shores; they call me out every night.”He said that. So there are chances that he is going to come there the next night and probably wait for me this time. I hugged Maira and smiled like a fool. I could see her puzzled expression but I didn’t care to explain to her the situation I was in. I looked at the wall clock. Twenty hours more; and I will once again meet the stranger and share the unshared.   

*A stranger can clear out the doubt; you were clueless to live without.*

P.S: 'Bonjour étrange' means 'Hello stranger' in french.

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