Every time I start watching ‘Happy Together Special with Big
Bang”, I stop it right after few minutes into the video. It still shows up on
my recommendations. Today, I stopped because I wanted to write this. Because I
was reminded of an old friend, who no longer is a friend I guess. I don’t know
really. Am I overthinking? Am I making up stories so that I could write about
it? I am selfish that way, so I can’t really say what it is this time.
I am listening to ‘Writing our Stories’ by SG Wannabe. It’s
on loop (gorgeous song it is, you’ve got to check it out) (But of course it is Korean).
The lyrics are not so much considered as much as the tone of the music. It sure
feels good that I am writing after this long. But I am having a conflict as the
reason is not a happy one. This makes me think if I am one of those who use
pain and sadness only to fulfill this desire of writing artistic lines. Even
though I debate that there are happy writers out there, I can’t quite stand
true to my own words. Are we all slaves to this desire of creating art? Are we
really that pathetic?
Sometimes I think if I willingly pull myself into a place
where I hurt both me and the other person. Family? friends? Maybe its just me
creating the problems and not them. Could it be that the ‘aspiring’ writer gets
heavy on this innocent child? I think about this a lot. It might not be the
issue. It might just be another thesis to overthink about.
Who are we in the end? Are we the moment which tells us to do
something evil as no one is watching? Or are we the tears falling alone after
reading a story of a person we have never met? Are we the dark or the light? Do
we get to choose? Or does the intensity chooses us? What are we in the end? Or are
we the end?
Whatever it is. It feels great to see the black letters on
the white background. Aesthetic much? Yeah 😊 And, even though I am not cut out to dance,
it is a blessing that my fingers play the part on the keyboard, once in a
while. I guess I know how Baek In Ho feels in ‘Cheese in the trap’. *about to
cry just thinking about it* The will to touch the piano again was devastated by
that one incident. It was not that he would never do it. It was just that he
had lost the confidence to be near the keys. But this blessing, this pure
blessing, if taken away in any form will leave a person devastated. The people
with a gift are the most scared and insecure ones. Not because they are afraid
of losing it, but because they are afraid of the thought of living without the
one thing that is good in their lives. Because when you gain, you lose. A plus
point in one department is often compensated by a hundred negatives in a lot of
other departments.
‘Writing our Stories’ is still playing in the background. I
am not sure how many times did it play already. I at least feel alive, thanks
to the song and the finger dance. I wanted to write about a friend but in the
end, I mumbled philosophy and forgot about the it all together.
P.S: I am going to post all the stacked-up word files in my
laptop. There’s not much space in the hard drive. I don’t know if I will be
able to delete the original files after posting them online. I have a strong
attachment to things. It is difficult for me to let go. Even though I know it
will be up on the cloud if I post it on the Internet, I still would want to
keep the filed loaded up. I guess it’s the feeling of seeing all the word files
in a folder that makes me week. Anyway, I had decided this long ago but I am
only implementing it now.
#TG
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