Army of One

It was an early morning and another day to the college. Soon after I got a seat on college bus, I plugged in my headphones and played ‘Army of one’ by Coldplay in the music player and then turned to the scenery outside. The view started to get dimmer and a new place appeared before me.
I could feel myself in that place dressed in a gown with a lace like necklace around my neck along my bouncing heart. The street lights were dim, the lights across the banner of the shops made sounds, which indicated that the lights were about to get worn out. I stood there for a while and then ran towards a person who was leaving. I held his hand. While he started pushing me away, my hand slipped from his elbows to triceps, my lips shivered and tears dropped from my eyes as I sat on my knees begging him. I then saw his hands, having mark of nails from where a stream of blood began to flow. I thought it was may be because of my nails and suddenly I took my hands away from his. In no time, he was gone and my heart was cold.
"Meshaaaallllllll" I was brought back to the present on hearing a voice. "What's wrong?" Maya asked me. I stunned thinking if I screamed in reality. But then I thought, no, I didn't open my mouth in the dream. "What happened?" I asked her, wondering what happened exactly. "Your eyes are brimming and your entire face is full of tears" she said. I blinked my eyes and could feel a fat drop sliding my cheek."I am fine, that's may be because I have been watching out continuously without blinking" I replied and assured her that I was fine.
I replayed the song again and recalled the dream. He left long back, why am I still holding him? He has a life, why am I ruining it? He wanted me to be happy, why am I sad? He left for good, why am I worsening the situation?
I hugged him imaginary, when these lines played…
"Never so high as when I’m with you
And there isn’t a fire
That I wouldn’t walk through
My army of one is gonna fight for you
My army of one is gonna fall for you..."

-me$hal-

Beside his bed.

The silence of night is making the thoughts more intense in the back of his mind. It's almost been an hour, he is lying on bed trying to welcome tonight’s sleep; but tonight, like most of the night’s sleep is quite distant. He is restless. Angrily, he sits up. Lazily drags himself out of the bed. Walks to the door, locks it and tries to sit on the floor beside his bed. Running his hands through his rough hair, he grabs a bunch of it and starts crying. He never wanted this to happen. It's been years since his crush had crushed him. Well, there's a reason why crush is called 'crush'....

Even today he had not let her thoughts vaporize from his heart. It was as if she lived in him. And the horrible part being that, he did not want to let go. He did not allow himself to fall for someone else. He was clear about her. He could see only her. He needed her, like he needed air. Although without air he would certainly die and everything would end, but without her he died everyday only to wake up and die again. Lying on the floor, he is finding it difficult to even cry. His eyes heavy and tired are now trying to find rest. With every tear flowing from his eyes, some amount of hope is drained out from his heart. Helplessness is the word which can sum-up what he is feeling at the moment.

Gradually, his eye lids kiss one another, confirming he's lost in the euphoria of sleep. This should make him feel better. Not too later his lips form a curve - a smiley curve; a happy curve. Different from what it was a few moments ago. So, who knows? May be he is dreaming. May be she has come to him; making him smile. Wow, he seems happy now. His joy can be felt. Even the air around him seems to be caressing his hair slowly. He surely is wishing for this to last forever. But hold on! Doesn’t he realize that this is only a dream? Poor he! He should know that reality will knock him again. Sadness will take over soon. Disappointment will hug him shortly. The same way it has been happening to him since ages. He has been through this time and again.

I think he is strong now. I feel he can manage now. It's seriously tough but I know he can wait now. He's trying to hope, against the hope that, someday she will come to him. Be his. Forever. After all he loves her and as they say, true love is worth waiting for. Until then he will suffer, he will cry, he will wait, beside his bed.

Writer: Afraz Ahmed.

Imagination #19 ~Mini heart attack!~

It was more of a personality trait than habit; admiring people with looks.  Men, women, children; didn’t matter. One day, while I was taking the same old route to my college, I came across this really handsome guy. He was, to be precise, hot! I didn’t know that guy lived there. He used to cross my sight every alternate day and I smiled. I liked praising him from afar instead of making a move. I would look out for him all the time. Something was arising within me. I didn’t want to term it as anything.

Another similar day, I saw him again. This time, with a blue jacket on and something clicked my mind. It felt like ‘Déjà vu’ I had seen that somewhere. I started recalling and boom! It was him!

**Some days back**

“Tell me his name. Why hide it from me?” I argued with Shaina. “Mmm… It’s Tahir.” She said after feeling pity over my struggle. “You took so much of time just to blab one simple name.” I said poking her shoulder. “It’s over between us now.” She said, suddenly sadness taking over. “Come on, don’t be sad. It’ll be alright.” I said trying to console her. Our conversation continued with how they met and lost hearts to each other. I kept on with my ‘hmmm’s’ and ‘mm hmm’s’ and ‘ahaa’s’ while she beautifully put all the words together describing her journey with him. He was her first love and according to her, last as well.

Listening to a broken heart story had become a habit now. Every other day, some or the other friend had something different to say about love and the pain it carried along. I never got bored; maybe because I had never actually felt this way.

Shaina didn’t show me his picture and I was a curious lad. I delved onto my favorite search host ‘Facebook’. I wanted to know if he was dating anyone. Shaina really did love him and I had hopes they might get back together.

It wasn’t easy searching the guy. There were so many results of the same name. I didn’t even know his surname. All I knew was that he was her far off relative. At last I came across a profile which matched most of the least detail that she had acquainted me with. “Tahir Hussain.” He was from the same place as her, didn’t feed in any educational details. Well; I didn’t know any either. She had told me that he wasn’t much of a social person. His profile picture was ‘average’. The relationship status was hidden. I thought talking to Shaina about it before giving it a go. Every time I tried bringing the topic up, she would say it’s over and I would keep mum. That topic ended there.

**Present**

How could this possibly be? I had to be sure, if it was him. I clicked onto his profile and there it was. He was the same guy. I felt dejected. How could I fall for someone who was loved by my friend? It wasn’t happening. My mind felt clustered and shattered. I promised myself to never look at that pretty, delicious face again. Oh! Stop hovering over him. I had to repeat this sentence, whenever he blocked the view.

Even though I wasn’t going to take a step and talk to him, but the thought and the feeling I felt was strangling me in guilt. It was his mistake entirely; I would state this whenever I thought about all of it. Couldn’t he wear that jacket before? Was it that difficult? Ugh!

Months elapsed and I had almost forgotten about it. I hardly thought about it. He was out of the range of my mind; to some extent. I’d got a message from Shaina that day when he crossed my mind again after long. I wanted to apologize to her. I had deceived her in some manner. I knew it would make things complicated, but the guilt had to be taken out. I started the topic, “So… he didn’t call eh?” “No, we’re going away. I don’t think he’s coming back.” She said unlocking her phone and continued, “You haven’t seen him right?” I closed my eyes and sighed. I had seen him, adored him, and had feelings for him. Oh god! It was all so wrong. “Look, how happy we were back then.” She said with a depressing tone. I looked at the picture and… I was struck… struck by lightning. My mouth was open for some seconds, “This… is Tahir?” She looked at me, “Yes.” I wanted to jump and do the happy dance. He wasn’t THE GUY I had seen! He wasn’t the guy from the profile. He wasn’t him!! 

The moment was ecstatic. Guilt? I didn’t know what that was! I hadn’t fallen for my friend’s first love; No, I hadn’t.

I passed by his house the next day. He didn’t show up. Well, he eventually did, a few days later. He was standing in front of his door, talking to someone. I smiled and then laughed over the mess I had created inside my head.

He did look a lot attractive now. But, it’s still better looking from afar than getting close. I do not want to spoil the charm and the unknown wonderful feeling. I solely want to cherish the good moments. Let he just be the crush, with the same name as my friend’s first love.

P.S: This was written an hour after he passed the street.

#StyZie

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Heartless

I peeped in to get a glimpse of her dressed in bridal attire. Her hands and feet had the deepest red color. She looked beautiful more than anyone could at the moment. I said "Hi" to her with a smile.
*Flash back*
"Mesh, You are getting engaged?" I blushed hearing those words. It was the most awaited hour of my life. “Saira, I hope nobody gets to know about our contact. Please pray for the same." I said to her in a serious tone. "What contact?" She asked confused. "I mean, me and he are… It isn’t arrange marriage you know." "Throw that thought out of your mind, nobody will ever know okay?" I felt fear; I was scared as well as excited.
*Present*
She did not even look at my direction. Replying to my greetings was out of the question. My mom called out my name from outside the room. "You saw the bride right? Leave for home now, everyone’s staring." I couldn't joke like the past. If it was the old me I would have replied, “Of course I know they are looking at me. Why wouldn’t they? A beautiful face is meant for admiration and that of your daughter tops the list.” Things were a lot changed.
I saw Saira and the groom facing each other, getting ready to place the rings. It wasn’t considered to be a good sign for an unlucky woman to be present at an auspicious occasion. I walked out of the house to the garden outside, wishing my man standing next to me.
I heard somebody screaming my name and the voice got closer with each repetition. I saw Saira coming from a distance. I walked towards her; something was definitely wrong. She raised her hand to slap me, but I caught it at the nick of the time. "What's wrong Saira?" I asked her. "You played a game with me? You ruined my life and now you are pretending to not know anything?" I was confused. I couldn’t understand what she was saying, when her to-be-fiancé interrupted "Saira, how can I marry the one who broke her best friend’s marriage? How can I be sure that this girl is fit to be my partner?" He said to her and further continued facing me "I am sorry."
*Flash back*
"Just few moments mesh, let the ring go in your ring finger, nobody is going to separate you" I said to myself as I sat on the couch. I watched him as he sat by my side facing me. We had each other’s ring ready to get along with the ceremony. I gave my hand in his, "So now boy friend and girl friend are turning into husband and wife!" My hand slipped from his hearing those words. I turned my face where Saira stood. "What did you just say?" My dad asked her. I started freezing with tears twinkling in my eyes asking her to take her words back. "Don't you know uncle? Your daughter had an affair with your future son-in-law" She said with a heartless heart. I gulped my saliva as I saw Razaan. What has she done? My best friend, she is my best friend, how could she do this to me? What was my mistake? Several questions ran through my mind at once. My dad grabbed me by my shoulder making me stand straight facing him.
 I kept quiet. I had to bear whatever it was to happen. No matter what my dad does to me, I will be strong and will endure all the hurt. He raised his hand and slapped me so hard that my head banged to the nearest wall. My head and ear started to bleed. Razaan caught me, as I fell helpless on the ground. I couldn't face him. I released myself from him and asked him to leave right away. I didn't want him to see me struggle more. He asked me to come with him, he talked to my parents but nothing was going to change. I saw him weeping and his throat getting sore. I caught his hand and said "Everything is fine okay, trust me and leave now, else it will be worse.” His parents took him away. It was the last time I saw him. After that I was grounded.
*Present*
"If somebody does bad to you, it's better to correct it with good and not with bad again" I said to him and started walking. I felt pity for her but as usual I didn't want to cut the talk. I just turned back and said "Thanks" to him and "Karma" to Saira.

Write Up: -me$hal-

Editing: StyZie

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